Wednesday, Nov. 02, 2005 - 12:47 p.m.
Life has been interesting lately. I don't even know why I am posting this here. No one's going to read it.
My body constantly aches. I am always tired. When I actually complete a task...then there is another...and another.
And the sick sad cycle continues. I feel like i'm running alone on empty. I haven't felt like this in a long time. Not to mention i'm getting sick again. There's so much stuff to do and so little time. The classic ol' rhyme. I nanny in the morning, I work either Mary Kay or the JUB (Just under broke) same in the evening. I haven't had time to do anything with Mary Kay as of late. I need to get off of my ass and do something...but all I want to do is to sit back, relax, let the constant migraine and neck pain go away. But the house needs cleaning...there are things growing...bills need paying...and money don't sprout on trees. Friends need me...and if i wasn't there for my friends, then there wouldn't be a point to be a friend.
My friends are my family and my family is what i care for. I will go to the end of the earth trying to save them before I save myself. Yet here I am being pulled on every direction of the compass and not knowing which direction to go.
I just need a little help but there is no one i can ask for help. There is no one that is strong enough to take this load that i have burdened myself with. And to think that it used to be worse than this...I killed those things because I ahd to...or I wouldn't have survived...
When they say that the perfect break from the world is to get hospitalized, send them to me so I can beat the crap out of them. Needless to say, asking for morphine just to breathe and a break from the pain every three hours, being constipated for a week after wards, over exerting oneself to the point that they are constantly sick to their stomach for four weeks...No...I will teach them a lesson or two.
I need to get the baby cleaned up, I need to balance my checkbook and I need to finish making the tea before I have to pick up my friend at work, take her on her errands, run home adn clean my molding house.
Sunday, Oct. 17, 2004 - 5:15 a.m.
I hate these stupid slumps that life likes to give us. Little pitfalls that just make life aggravating and one unwilling to continue on...
If I were to tell the whole story, I think it would be a novel, and I don't have the time or the effort to do it...so I'll give the condensed version.
I am fine living by myself and out on my own. It is a complete life awakening process that I recommend that everyone do at one point in their life to know what's really out there.
I am about to move into a house with a bunch of people in order to save money. As you all know, this world revolves around time and money, both equally related to each other. However, I am one of those many poor fools that experience both of these -- sometimes worse than others.
School is a necessary evil to this world. However, with the current government, school pricing is jacked up -- only because there is the demand for it. The sad part of this tho, the most depressing is that what I want to do, I can't do. I want to be an astronaut. I have wanted to be an astronaut since I was five years old.
I'll finish this later...
find your element at mutedfaith.com. <º>
